Wednesday, September 23, 2009

embrace the madness

Behind this mask

There exists

A space between bone and flesh

Between truth and deception

This place is empty

Free of emotion, of fear, of condescension (you agree to do something which you do not consider to be good enough for your social position)

Unscathed (without injuries or damage being caused) by the corrupting pains of society

This place is the refuge (protection or shelter from danger, trouble, unhappiness, etc) for all who dared to stand apart from the rest

For all who fell into the gamble of life and lost there bet

This place is one which is shared but unknown

Its residents know not of each other and not of each others doings

But only of themselves and the enveloping closure which surrounds them

This place of tranquility (calm) and neutral ambivalence (having two opposing feelings at the same time, or being uncertain about how you feel)

Is one which can hide and heal the bleeding wounds

Gouged (to make a hole in something in a rough or violent way) into the estranged soul for the lack of uniformity

(somesort cm 2 soul yg terpisah cz tade chemistry gitu?)uish..x pham..hahah..

To find this place is both a blessing and a curse

Living within the confines (limit) of the space can take its toll

Like a drug it becomes a tiring addiction

In which it will only aid the triumph (a very great success or a feeling of great satisfaction) of your affliction (something that makes you suffer)

With bloodied arms and bitter tongues

Rip free this mask and dispel this environment

Irony (a situation in which something which was intended to have a particular result has the opposite or a very different result) in itself

The comforting home, the poisonous succubus

The means of escaping reality and fact

Tear free this mask and face life and society

Tell it who and what you are

Convey your emotions, fill your eyes

With the adversity (a difficult or unlucky situation or event), the pain, the torture you were bared in

Make clear you are finished, veiling (uncover something) your true emotion

Write on the walls, scream raving and mad

Be proud of your insanity (when something is not sensible), embrace (to accept something enthusiastically) it as a persona (the particular type of character that a person seems to have, which is often different from their real or private character)

Paint in maddened frenzy, write in dizzy verse

Sing in melancholy (sad) rhythm, dance in flailing (to move energetically in an uncontrolled way) aneurisms

Call forth the madness which has been suppressed for so long

Its time to shine is now, its time to hide is gone

Let it pulse through out your body

Let it imbibe (receive into the mind and retain) and take hold of your life

Jump forth into this new found pride

Feel the pressures of society subside ( To sink to a lower or normal level/ To become less agitated or active)

Friday, September 18, 2009

life's not easy

I don't want to cry,

but sometimes I need too.

I won't try to lie

what I'm missing now is you.


A promise in time,

few words in a rhyme.

Trying to be more then a friend you left behind.


This nightmare awakes,

two realities break.

When I look at myself I see a fake.


Life's not easy, but I will try for you...

apromise.jpg

Waking up in pain,

trying to understand.

Please accept that I'm insane,

then you might see who I am


Lost somewhere out there,

chasing songs in the air.

I try to be myself knowing no one cares.


Family and Friends,

hearts that pretend.

I accept that I'm the worst of them.


Life has meaning, but I'm losing faith too...

angelhug.jpg

Angel spreads his wings,

and teaches me to fly.

Life's not what it seems,

if you gave up then don't ask why.


Cold as a stone,

left all alone.

I said goodbye today to the life i own


It wasn't easy, but it was worth a try.

hoi AUDY..

sorry lah wei...
FOR EVERYTHING!
aku tau kte byk gyler bwat slh kt each other kn..
aku pn tatau knape sme ni berlaku..
nk kembali ke masa lalu mmg x mungkin..
kte hnye boleyh baiki mase akn datang kn?

maaf....klau kao rase aku dh hapuskn peluang itu,
aku x bermaksud..dan aku tahu..
kte masih mampu baiki..
lagipon..kao kate.. kao dh x percaye aku lg kn..
kita sama-sama cari kepercayaan itu nanti..
kte same2 dh x rse sayang itu sebanyak dulu lagi kn?
knyataan yg kao ungkap kn dulu..
masih berbisa di hati ku..
begitu juga kenyataan aku..
masih berbisa di hati mu kn?
namun..kini..ape yg kte mampu lakukan,
adalah berlakon, agar tiada siapa tahu kisah kita..
aku mintak maaf sangat2 dgn ape yg aku bwat b4 nih..
sorry!
tu je yg aku mampu ckp..
aku terpakse....
x pernah bermaksud nk lukekn hati kao..
we used to act like everything's ok,
but it's not!
n we knew it. we just dont wanna make it worse..

i've never meant to blame anything on you..
n stop with the number 3 thing! please!
you're suffering me..it wasnt from my heart!
please!
you dont know all the things i'm going through right now..
no one knows..
but i know you know how i feel..
n i hope we both wont do things that could make this worst..

today is so0o.. *&^%$#

c'mon lah.. WTH??!
bangun2 dh nk bising!
urgh!dh ah x ckp pape smalam..
tetibe nk blk kg arini..
bkn ah wa kesah if nk blk..
FINE! org boleh ikot!
tapi c'mon lah,
seriously dude!
what the **** ?!
nk jugak ruins everyone's day kn..?!
xde consideration lgsg!
the i went to take my bath, 9.30 am,
they were fighting..
(finished my bath)
they were still fighting..
cant really describe how i feel..
*speechless*
I HATE THIS HOME!
the only reason i went back home
is to have a freakin good night sleep
away from everything!
n yet! i cant get away from YOU!
ALL OF YOU!!

we're big enough already..
n for heaven sake!PLEASE!
understand us already..!
how long have you all lived together?
A WEEK!?!
n please! again..i say..PLEASE!
stop,stop n STOP nagging!
there's just some things that is not our cup of tea..
n some things we cant do..
n we dont wanna do..
wasn't that normal for children..??
what do you expect???!!
u want us to follow everything you say?
be a robot n do it like a robot too?
you want us to shut our mouth??
then we're not even gonna talk to you right?!!
n what's with the message mum?!
stop acting stupid everyone!!
please! get over yourself..
n stop all this ****!
once n for all!~


semalam..

ouh.. gila byk mknn bkk puase!!
haha :) seronok..
plus, my sis msk pasta, yummy!
n kteorg pegi shopping smalam!
lglah seronok..
banyak beli baju ouh,,
tp...family punye pasal,,
dh jd x sronok..pnjg sgt cte nye..
tp klau stakat nk mrh kteorg
mrh kt umah pon boleyh..asl nk kne kuar!?!
ARGGGH!!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

deskie ohh deskie

we should never had that stupid fight
nex year kte same klas lagih kn?
pelik, tetapi benar,
terkejut tetapi kenyataan,
takut tetapi gembira,
kita.......adalah kita....
sentiasa..selamanya ?
kebenaran, aku takut..
sangat~

ohh..tiz week's story..

firstly,, i got 7a n 1b 4 trial..
n yet! i still tron klas,
haish~ very sad indeed..
tp nk bwat cne,haish..
xpelahh...i will prove myself :)
tgk ah nex year! hahah :))
then..jd pmc..
tiz is the 1st time f3 jd pmc :)
kteorg ni kre cm bhn cubaan lahh nihh..
hahah..seronok, me likeyy~
sangat suka bwat duty2 inih..
tapi......................
mmph..xpelahh,,
n then..2day,
my bro sangatlah poyo ckp IQ dye sangatlah tinggi
so kteorg pon lawanlahh..
bwat iq test kt internet..
sshlahh jgak test dye..
n gez what! i win!!
yipeee~!!
huahuahua..pmr dah dekat..
sangatlah x sbr nk abes pmr..
nk study mende laen lak,,
nk planning byk bende lgih..
n nk kuar ngan kengkawan!!!
hee~ :)
keyh2..hav 2 go.. mayb study,mayb not..
muahahahaha :)
raya dah dekat,, bju rye pon tade,
ntah blk kg ntah x,
pape je lahh :))