continuation :))

wahh..i can make a story here..
feel like i wanna tell you everything..
haha.. my dear blog :)) wee!~
so this is next.
yesterday. we did text a little.
and then i ask him if he is still not allowed to text me.
and he said, yup. sorry.
so i was like, ok. can i ask you a favor?
and he asked, whats the favor?
i answered, do you mind if we text like usual on the last day of holz before i go back to school?can you forget bout the rule for a sec?
n he was like, maybe ok, i'll ask my gf first, is it ok?
i wanted to say no, its ok, dont ask, just think for yourself n etc,
but then i didnt get to reply it coz i have tution .
3 hours later.....
i continue texting his gf n i reply his text,
and told him not to ask n etc.
without knowing...
it was too late, he asked his gf already..
haishh :( and his gf told me...
i kinda feel guilty though.
although his gf actually allows him to.
thats because we're really good friends already.
and she said that she dont mind me and him being friends.
i mean, that good right?
but i dont feel right, i feel like there's something not right, why? n what?
hahah..btw, although she agrees
that makes me dont really wanna text him,
cause.................hurmm.......complicated,
you get what i'm trying to say?
i know you're a clever blog! ahahaha :)
i'm going crazy already. yeay! lol +_+
so... i dont really know if we're going to be texting each other before i go back to school.
n i dont really care though.
or am i acting like i dont care?
i dont know. i dont even know whats real and whats not anymore.
haha.blahblahblah..
i really dont know what i should do.
so, help me?

i wanna smile on the outside so no one would know how i feel inside
i wanna cry but i will be strong
i wanna change the lyrics but the melody is still the same
i wanna hate you but i miss you
i wanna be with you but i hope you're far away from me
i'm a small child full of confusion
and confusion helps me to grow stronger and better